Local marriage

I got engaged at age 19 on a November. I was still in College at that time. My boyfriend's father met with my mom to discuss details about coming over at our house to ask my hand in marriage. There are ways of asking a girl's hand in marriage. The male has to gather his family members, does not matter who and which family attends. As long as you have supporters. They would need either sakau or coconut juice. When they arrive at the girls house, the head of the family will be the first one to go and everybody else will follow along. The first one will greet the whole family in the Nahs and announce the reason for the visit and everybody else's will follow along with the greeting. They all bow, greet, and take off their hats before entering the Nahs. And the female family, have to prepare food and drinks to welcome the quests, way of welcoming another family.  Nowadays, it is easier you can welcome another family with sandwiches and juice.

Each family need to have a Nahs, a house made for local feast, funeral purposes, marriage propasal purposes, and other local activities.

This is a picture of a Nahs. In this photo, there are few people in the Nahs. You can see that up front on the left side of the Nahs, a female sits facing the crowd fixing the sakau. The female is the chief's wife. On the right side of the Nahs, the chief sits facing the crowd. The other people sitting next to the chief and the wife are called "souhn erir". Whenever the menindei (ceremony master) take something that the people brought to the chief and the wife, the souhn erir are responsible for taking them. They do not go straight to the cheif. Souhn erir people are like sheilds. They were selected among many people, they were selected according to their clans. There is a certain way of selecting your souhn erir or shield.

*Formal marriage proposal* Sakau is used   

So for the marriage proposal, the head of the family is the one who sit in front of the Nahs, this is called "salidi". No one is allowed to sit up there except for the head of the family and the wife. The hand sides of the Nahs, that is where the women sits. You can see in this picture that only men are walking around and doing stuff. The men has to take off their shirts while walking around. The elder who is standing on the stairs with his hands on his hips is the ceremony master. In this picture, you do not see women walking around. This is because the women are sitting on the hand side of the Nahs, they were not allowed to have their legs hanging down the sides. They pick up their slippers and fold their legs. This is because in the past, women do not have roles and voice in the traditions. The ceremony master is also responsible for introducing the purpose of their visit. The other family members immediately cut down the sakau and fix it. When it is fixed, the master of the ceremony take the ngarangar (cup). 

The ngarangar was given to the head of the family and if the head of the family drink from the ngarangar, means he agreed with the proposal. If he did not drink from the ngarangar, that means he does not agree with the proposal. (Remember the women do not have a voice in traditions.) When the family of the female agrees by drinking the prepared sakau, the mother of the male stands up rub oil on the skin of the girl, give her mwaramwar, and they give her gifts. Gifts like local mat, local broom, and whatever they have prepared for her. They also give her bed sheets, covers, and pillows. This is because after the girl's family agrees, the boys family take her. In the past, we do not have religion so this is considered a marriage. At the end of this all, consummation of the marriage will take place during the night. They already have both families blessings. The new couple lives with the men's family. This is because in the past, family size of often extended family. 

If the family of the girl did not drink from the ngarangar. Another ngarangar was prepared and will be given to them thanking them for their time. And then they leave, they can try again the next day, week, month, or year. 

*Informal marriage proposal* Coconut Juice or Uhpw is used 

Some marriage proposals does not take place in the Nahs. They take place at the home of the girls parents not the extended family, just the father of the daughter as the head of the family. The family of the boy shows up along with their supporters who does nothing except shows up and be there. They greet the girl's family and announce the reason of the visit. They sometimes said a few things about their son and how they will take care of the daughter if they agree with the marriage proposal. 

Then the uhpw was prepared, the head of the boys family explained to the girls father the meaning of the first uhpw. There are often 3 uhpws prepared for informal marriage proposals: 

1. Apology uhpw(most common)- this is only when the girl sneaked out and went home with the boy and overslept. 

2. Proposal uhpw 

3. Thank you for your time uhpw 

So if the girl returned home with the boys family, they first offer uhpw #1 and then uhpw #2. If proposal was not accepted, uhpw #3. If proposal was accepted, uhpw #3 as well. 

P.s. My marriage proposal was informal and we only did uhpw #2 and #3. I did not sneak out and return with the boys family because that is a disgrace and I know better lol. And also I was still in college busy with school not knowing that if I mess around with boys they might fall in love with me and came by my father's house to ask for my chubby chubby hands in marriage ahah. <3 

**Thank you for reading, I will get back to you tomorrow or when there is time and wiFi. If there are questions, leave them in the comments below.

Edited: March 2022